The Worst Day & Unmerited Favor
It was one of the worst days.
As a young, 12-year-old, I was naive to the pain that death could create. What should have been just another summer day turned into a memory forever engrained in my mind. A day I will not forget. An ache with a thousand questions only God could heal.
August 12, 2003.
A little boy drowned that day. A whole community felt intense tragedy. I was shaken, stunned, and grieving what I didn’t know or comprehend.
Nothing about it made sense. A child wasn’t supposed to die like that. Our community was fine and now was struck with ugly grief. For so long, I sunk inward, not being honest about what I felt inside.
Twenty years have passed since that tragic encounter. I’ve had many family and friends who can vouch for my healing, but none can quite understand as much as my counselor. She has understood my confusion and pain and helped me navigate all of the trickiness that grief can be and bring.
As I have walked through healing, it does not lessen the events that August day brought. I still think of that day and when I am around a pool, I can’t help but have thoughts from that day come across my mind. It involves making a constant choice to focus on God’s faithfulness.
One of the greatest blessings has grown in these years. I’m grateful for the relationship I now have with that little boy’s parents. They are some of the most godly people I have ever met. The way they have continued to place their trust in God, despite losing their precious child, has constantly reminded me that God never leaves us, nor forsakes us.
Our love for and obedience to God doesn’t lessen the pain or tragedy we can and will face in our lifetime. But resting in God’s presence can bring hope and peace that we cannot imagine. And one that we cannot find anywhere else or through any other means.
Witnessing little Ben’s death that August day was devastating. There were so many questions. So much pain. His parents, even amidst their pain, showered me with love and grace. An unmerited favor that has pointed me to God’s love for all of us. Today I am thankful for the love they have extended. Truly the hands and feet of Jesus in a trying time.
That’s how God shows up. He knew all along. All of the little details. That there was no coincidence that I would grow up and marry a godly man who shared the same name, Ben. That I would work through all of the pain day by day and capture a glimpse of what a beautiful picture of the life that God has created for me. It was no coincidence I spent years after this tragedy serving as a lifeguard. It was no coincidence that I started my healing journey through counseling two years ago, the date of my first session was August 12th. It was no coincidence that God would lead me to write a book about overcoming pain and seeking the true healing that only God can provide.
God knew all of this and more. I didn’t realize it twenty years ago on that August day, but now I see. It was necessary for me to experience the pain so that God would draw me closer to Him. There is no one like our God. He holds absolutely everything in His hands. So if today things don’t make sense for you, know God is working. It may take days, months, or years to see, but trust that He has a plan. There is healing on the horizon. Don’t limit God.
1 John 5:14-15 NIV
This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us - whatever we ask - we know that we have what we asked of him.
