Why Can’t I Just Be Proud?
“Sometimes to get your life back, you have to face the death of what you thought your life would look like.” Lysa Terkeurst - It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way
I wrote a book and published it last year. It’s called Looking Back to Look Ahead (and you can find more info about it here). An exciting endeavor full of hard work and perseverance. A bit vulnerable in sharing my story and relying on the courage inside to allow people glimpses of the real me. And more than just those closest to me.
An exciting aspect in the book sale process is not knowing exactly where a book might end up. I spent time during writing and editing praying that God would take the words and place them in the hands of those who needed them. Near and far. That it would go where God would direct, not where I wanted it to go. So, throughout the sales process, there have been many books purchased that I haven’t known about. And that is so cool!
I recently walked in to see a patient (I’m a nurse) and the lady was reading a book. As I quickly took a double, triple, and quadruple take, I recognized the cover. It looked oddly familiar. Then I saw the author on the back. It was me. What should have been an exciting moment to share in my accomplishment turned into one in which I retreated into my shell and felt embarrassed with a complete lack of confidence. I didn’t acknowledge that I was the one who wrote the book that she was holding.
Thoughts of anxiety immediately flooded my feeble mind. What if they didn’t like it? What if I said too much? What if they think I’m ridiculous? Do they know that's me? Imposter syndrome once again returning. I should have been eager to talk to them about the book.
It’s scary to be vulnerable. To open up and let others glimpse the real you. Not just the good parts of life, but all of the messy pieces as well. If we are honest, all of us have pieces of our story that we wish weren’t there. All of them have the potential to grow us into a closer relationship with God if we are willing to let it.
The whole imposter, embarrassed, shy situation was a work of the enemy. I know it was.
But alas, I know that the more I work to keep showing up, the harder the enemy will try to get me off track. As hard as I try to improve my self-confidence, the harder it gets to speak proudly of the woman I am, and my accomplishments. I’m afraid of coming off as cocky or overly prideful. Those individuals are hard to be around, so I’m worried I’ll turn into one.
As my friends supported and encouraged me, I was able to talk about this exciting endeavor in my life with their help. I can learn to love this journey I am on, and I can learn to be proud of the hard work and accomplishments that have brought me here.
If we are open to it, God can work magnificent plans through us. It may be hard to take that leap of faith and follow God’s leading on our lives. If God presses something on our hearts and we follow through, may we rest assured knowing that God is proud of us. And what could be better than our Heavenly Father being proud of who we are?
May we all be encouraged today, knowing that our God is faithful and able to do anything. The only One who can perform miracles. Choose to break out of your comfort zone and do the things that scare you. God is with you, go be proud.
(And I get it if it seems scary. I’m still learning and growing too. It may take us awhile to gain confidence but keep working. You’ll be glad you did.)
1 Thessalonians 5:16-24, CSB
Rejoice always, pray constantly, give thanks in everything; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. Don’t stifle the Spirit. Don’t despise prophecies but test all things. Hold on to what is good. Stay away from every kind of evil.
Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely. And may your whole spirit, soul, and body be kept sound and blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. He who calls you is faithful; he will do it.
