What They Don’t Know
Trying to have a baby isn’t easy for everyone. I wish more people talked about that. Normalized the struggle some of us are left to face.
They don’t know how many tears we cry in the shower and behind closed doors. All of the baby shower posts and invitations we see. All of the gifts purchased for others kids. All of the holidays that come and go without our own chance to celebrate and create new memories. We show up happy and we love spending time with your precious children, but it doesn’t take away the ache.
They don’t know the frustration we face. Tracking all of the dates and hormones becomes overwhelming. Piecing together what everything means. Weighing options. Thankful we have options but frustrated we are in this situation to begin with. Try testing your own urine every single morning. Regardless of if you’re home or away with the girls for the weekend, it gets old. But we feel we must persevere in hopes of being one step closer to a baby.
They don’t know that we have things all planned out. From names to birth plans. Nursery designs and reveals. Each month that goes by we seem to plan even more.
They don’t know that even if I do become pregnant, I will be overjoyed, yet scared to death. You see, we had a baby die before. We didn’t get to hold him/her, but we trust that Jesus is right now holding him or her close. Losing a baby changes you forever. The fear that it could happen again is never far away.
They don’t know that even though this is hard, we want to talk about it. To vent our frustration or to rest our weary heads on your shoulder during the big hug we desperately need. We need your support even if we don’t know how to say it.
If you’re like me and your miracle hasn’t yet arrived, you know and understand all of this and more. I see you. I’m praying for you today. Your story matters.
I pray that today, even though it feels as if most don’t know or understand, some of us do. I am praying for peace that surpasses all understanding and a sense of eager expectation of a miracle on the horizon. Remember, what they don’t know, God already does.
Proverbs 2:6-10 (Amplified Bible)
For the Lord gives [skillful and godly] wisdom; from His mouth come knowledge and understanding. He stores away sound wisdom for the righteous [those who are in right standing with Him]; He is a shield to those who walk in integrity [those of honorable character and moral courage], He guards the paths of justice; and He preserves the way of His saints (believers). Then you will understand righteousness and justice [in every circumstance] and integrity and every good path. For [skillful and godly] wisdom will enter your heart and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul.
