Miscarriage is Still a Loss
Miscarriage.
I'm not too fond of the word. It implies a negative vibe and leads me to feel as if I’ve done something wrong. That I have messed up in some way. I don’t like the word, also because it hits home.
Going through the loss of a baby hurts. It does not matter how many weeks you were pregnant or the circumstances that led to your new baby passing away. The loss is very real and very raw.
The loss is very much a loss.
When I had a miscarriage over a year ago, I felt many emotions. Scared, alone, and grieving to name a few. It was a rough time.
There were no bereavement days from work. Flowers didn’t pile up in the worst way as they often do with a funeral. There was no barrage of visitors in and out bringing food and an overwhelming amount of styrofoam products.
Our closest friends and family who knew what we were walking through provided encouragement and support. It just felt very different. I had faced loss and death before, but never in this way.
If you’ve walked through miscarriage, you know the pain.
Pain comes in waves and from many angles. It’s not only the emotional and mental toll that weighs you down while grieving. It’s the physical pain our bodies feel. Hormonal changes are raging and over-the-counter medications provide little relief.
You cannot forget the spiritual pain. During my moments and season of loss, I struggled to find anything positive in this situation. How could such a good God allow something so bad? Surely God knew my greatest desire in the whole world was and is to be a mom? How and why did this have to be my story?
As the days on the calendar are marked off, the time has helped heal my hurting heart. The pain will not be erased from my life, but I feel closer to God than I did before the loss of our precious baby. God has been working in and through my life and provided much healing and simple comfort.
I found myself in John 9. I’ve included verses 1-5 here, taken from the New King James Version.
Now as Jesus passed by, He saw a man who was blind from birth. And His disciples asked Him, saying, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?”
Jesus answered, “Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but that the works of God should be revealed in him. I must work the works of Him who sent Me while it is day; the night is coming when no one can work. As long as I am in the world, I am the light of the world.”
Take mention of verse 3. Those closest to Jesus thought the blind man or his parents did something wrong to cause the blindness. Jesus reminded them that no one did anything wrong to cause this. There was a clear purpose that Jesus stated - That God would be revealed.
I felt God validated my pain related to the miscarriage. He very clearly said that it wasn’t my fault. I did nothing to cause it.
Though I felt much pain, I have grown to have the desire to worship. To give thanks even when it is hard. To believe that God is bigger and stronger than any storm I could ever face.
Friends, I know how the story ends. For me and for you. It ends with eternity. All pain will cease. There will be no tears and only rejoicing. There will be no more loss, only gain.
Until then, know that whatever the pain, whether it is a miscarriage, the death of a child, or the death of someone close to you, is not the end of your story. Your loss is real and valid, so make sure that you acknowledge it. Just know that God has a unique and special plan for it all. In Heaven, we will have no more questions. In Heaven, all will be made right. Cling to that promise today.
