To My Friend in the Waiting

I see you.

I know you.

I understand what it’s like to wait.

It doesn’t matter what we are waiting for, the wait is hard.

There are days you just don’t want to do.

There are places you just don’t want to be.

There are dates you just don’t want to see on the calendar.

If you’re like me, you find yourself avoiding certain people or places, or events.

They are too painful.

You find yourself mindlessly scrolling through social media.

For there have been times when you wished your real life looked somewhat like the filtered one you’ve been scrolling by.

Perhaps things haven’t panned out like you thought they would.

Maybe you thought the medical treatment would be successful and your spouse or your parent or your grandparent would still be healthy and alive today.

Maybe you thought your prince charming would have already arrived and your fairy tale wedding would have made all of your dreams come true.

But alas, here you find yourself still single.

Maybe healing from that addiction is harder than you expected.

Maybe the road is tough, and you are worn down wondering if you have what it takes to do the hard work.

Maybe this year is just another year of trying for a baby.

Yet, the test never becomes positive.

It doesn’t matter what you’re waiting for.

Waiting is hard.

We want to understand and to be understood.

We want quick fixes.

We just want things to be right without having to share all of the details.

We wonder why our story has to be different.

Why we have encountered pain.

Why things seem increasingly more difficult.

Why we must keep waiting, and waiting, and waiting.

There are no one-word quick fixes for any of the sources of pain and/or heartbreak in our lives.

A friend told me in a moment of my own dark pain - “Sometimes God works things, and we just don’t understand why.”

Learning to be present in our moments or seasons of waiting is hard. We want to snap our fingers and have things figured out. Who likes feeling down in the dumps? No one.

In my long, dark season of yearning to be a mom and grieving our miscarriage, I had many dark days. Moments in which I just didn’t want to be or do or speak. The pain was real and the pain was raw.

There are still days that are painful.

There are still moments in which the grief seems to come from nowhere.

There are still days when I ache.

But I know one thing is for sure - I keep showing up.

I keep showing up even when the days are hard.

I keep showing up to holiday gatherings even if I don’t have a baby of my own.

I keep showing up to the plans and commitments I have made with those who love me and encourage me.

I keep showing up even when it’s hard to hold it together.

I keep showing up.

I just keep showing up.

Why?

Because I believe God has a plan.

I believe the plan is beautiful.

I believe the plan is magnificent and perfect.

I believe it’s exactly what I need.

I can say that with honesty, with empty arms for the baby I want so much but with the joy and peace of God filling me up so full. With eyes burning with tears but fixed on the One who holds everything together.

I am making a choice to discern God’s leading and plan even in seasons of waiting. Even when times are tough or things don’t make sense. I am choosing to see the good.

I may have to pray for strength one moment at a time but God will still be there. I may fall apart some days but God has placed me around encouragers who will lovingly support me when I am weak. I may never get exactly what I want, but I know I’ll have everything that I need.

I just keep showing up.

If you are in a season of waiting today, pray for strength one moment at a time and just keep showing up.

Hebrews 6:13-20 - NIV

When God made his promise to Abraham, since there was no one greater for him to swear by, he swore by himself, saying, “I will surely bless you and give you many descendants.” And so after waiting patiently, Abraham received what was promised.

People swear by someone greater than themselves, and the oath confirms what is said and puts an end to all argument. Because God wanted to make the unchanging nature of his purpose very clear to the heirs of what was promised, he confirmed it with an oath. God did this so that, by two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled to take hold of the hope set before us may be greatly encouraged. We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain, where our forerunner, Jesus, has entered on our behalf. He has become a high priest forever, in the order of Melchizedek.