Slow to Speak, Quick to Listen, Respect Earned
You’re having a conversation with someone. Things seem to be going well. All of a sudden, words are said that leave you shocked and your jaw dropped.
I know I’m not the only one who’s been caught off guard by someone’s words. They can hurt. And hold so much power and weight over our lives.
Most days we go about our business with nothing occurring out of the ordinary. We take care of ourselves, our families, our job, and maybe find some time for a few activities that we enjoy. There are other days in which we have to try hard to focus on the positive. For a variety of reasons, it’s just a tough day.
Words cut deep. Sometimes people don’t think before they speak. And for whatever reason since our society is device-driven, we think it’s okay to send messages that could be taken a variety of different days. Either trying to start a problem, call someone out, or play a victim-mentality.
Maybe you’ve been the one to receive a text that leaves you wondering what they meant, or what you did to deserve it. I’m just going to say it - HARD CONVERSATIONS SHOULD HAPPEN IN PERSON. Not over a device message, or on a social media wall. I know it’s not the popular opinion. People want easy cop-outs. We run away from having hard conversations. We don’t want to set boundaries. Or have to enforce them.
I heard Dr. Sasha Shillcut say this: “The world will set your boundaries if you don’t set them for yourself.” The world itself expects a lot from us. Because of that, those around us will likely feel the same.
So what do we do in those moments when the words sting? When we are caught off guard by something hurtful and/or embarrassing? When it seems that person whom we are speaking to, can never be pleased?
I know what it’s like to be on the receiving side of hurtful words. They kind of came out of nowhere and I was shocked and stunned. The words sunk to a hurt and triggered a series of unwanted emotions.
We aren’t meant to be a door-mat for hurt. The way in which we respond in those moments is crucial. I was talking about this very thing with my counselor a few weeks ago. I struggle standing up for myself for fear of being rude, or making someone mad. I know, it makes absolutely no sense, but in my mind I’ve always wanted to please those around me. I’d rather not have conflict, perhaps you get it.
My counselor challenged me with this statement: Respect must be earned. We are all human. All of us are subject to disrespect. How do we respond?
James 3:1-10, NLT
Dear brothers and sisters, not many of you should become teachers in the church, for we who teach will be judged more strictly. Indeed, we all make many mistakes. For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way.
We can make a large horse go wherever we want by means of a small bit in its mouth. And a small rudder makes a huge ship turn wherever the pilot chooses to go, even though the winds are strong. In the same way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches.
But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire. And among all the parts of the body, the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself.
People can tame all kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and fish, but no one can tame the tongue. It is restless and evil, full of deadly poison. Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God. And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right!
As we see in James, chapter three, our words have the power to cause great harm, but also they can heal. We can stand up for ourselves and respond honestly, yet respectfully if words are meant to harm. Standing up for yourself is not bad. I’m slowly learning this to be true for myself.
We get our answer for how to respond in challenging situations from Scripture. What better place to find our answers, huh?
Ephesians 4:29, NLT
Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.
God is pleased when His children build each other up. Even when we disagree, we can do so in love. We were not created to be run over or talked down to. Child, you were created with and for a purpose. You were made to make a difference in the world around you. Maintain your healthy boundaries and embrace the life you were given. See yourself the way God sees you. Dearly loved and deeply chosen.
